missing our youth

Auden has missed out on a few things in life. And not just things that are easy to go back and do. Getting back those days that she missed as a child is hard to get back but possible.  Through her childhood she has always been doing what she did best, studying. She was never been treated like a child but a small adult by her parents. In Along for the ride by Sarah Dessen, she decides to do something different and take back what she never got.

But looking back to the past and still the present I see how unfair it was for Auden. Missing out on sports, and learning to ride a bike. Missing out on screaming across the park and running fast. Even missing out on falling down and crying and then being caressed by her mother.  She missed out on all the fun a child should do and live without. She missed on sad times and good times. And she especially missed on friends and what goes along with it.

I blame Auden’s mother for destroying Ronnie’s childhood. I blame her father. They knew she was child, that all children should have fun and live life slowly. That each and every one of them should not worry that much in education where it comes to the point they don’t even think about friends.  That if they had their goodtime as a child, why not let her too. She was no grown up to be expected much but to love.  I hate that they gave up after their son, who turned out a total duff. But they should have not. If they thought it was too hard then why have her?

As a teenager I still feel like a kid. Needing joy from others and having joy myself. I want to go on slowly with my life not wanting to miss anything as ages go by. I want to feel the taste in my mouth.  But just recently I learned from mother that not everyone is the same or thinks the same or even think at all. People especially teenagers rush through life. Life is short, I know but we can still move through it slowly and feel the goodness of it. I would usually find a teenager who looks and acts much older than she is. That includes my cousin.

Even though she’s only seventeen she already has a 1 year old son and her boyfriend.  I remember when she was about my age, she was already dating. It’s fine by me to date, but when you take it a lot further and have a family of your own it turns out wrong. Now I see that there are no more late nights and parties. There is no more hanging around after school. She now has a child to take care of. And I doubt that without her mother she will have taken care of her baby as good as now.  She’s someone who rushed into life. Like if she does not have a good 60 more years to go. I look at her and decide I will not do the same thing she did. I will go through things slowly. But later I know she could go back and get back what she missed on what teenagers do.

I could keep pointing at people for what they did to some of us. That they treated us like adults just to make life easier for themselves. But I won’t. A child who has no choice, I understand. They are forced to and can’t stop it. But as a teenager, when we start to make our own choices, I don’t understand .we have to only point at ourselves.  We cause ourselves to rush and miss out on things that are important that we don’t find out till we realize we missed it all. But it’s never too late to go back and do things that we missed.

trust

I find myself reading his books. I’m trying to read every single book of his. First I read Dear John then the notebook and finally now I’m reading the last song by Nicholas sparks. I can truly tell that it has never been the same before. Even with Sarah Dessen, the feeling inside me never felt this well. It is because I trust Nicholas sparks. I trust him even before reading his books knowing they will all change me as a whole. Knowing they are the greatest books.

Trusting the author somehow connects with me trusting the character Ronnie. I trust that she will later trust her boyfriend that they could always be together even if they are far. I trust the author that he will leave me thinking in the end of the story. He will leave me feeling sad yet happy he had done another great novel. I trust that Ronnie will love her father more than anything and I trust her future. I trust that she will touch the piano again. And now I trust my own future and live. I trust my happiness and sadness. And I trust my best friend.

Everything depends on trusting. Either your relationship with your partner or your fate. Trust your partner, trust fate and maybe everything will go well in your relationship. Trust your mother when she tells you to not do something even if someone desperately wants you to. Do not do it. Just trust them and go back to your room. Feel mad at them if you want but listen and act. They know more than us.  Trust your future and your destiny and especially if you’re catholic like me, trust Jesus.

What is trust? Well trust is to believe in that special person who deserves it or just trusting something. A person deserves it by being by your side and never leaving. Trust the person who will save you emotionally and physically. A person who gave you what you always wanted, not just ones but all over and over again, like Nickolas sparks. He gave me joy all over and over again. Wrote a book and then wrote more with the same emotion, making me trust in him. He truly deserves my trust as a reader and writer.

First step to communicate with your readers is having their trust. We must earn it. We cannot just do anything to earn it. Nickolas sparks made me trust her. And all I could say is that she really did earn it.

Taking the wrong steps

I'm that kind of girl who believes in signs. I believe in changing faith and the cause of that. It first starts with choices then the result of that and from the result comes a change in faith. It is not unpacked till the end. Still, clues let me know what way faith was going for Naomi in Memoirs of a teenage amnesiac by Gabrielle Zevin. Naomi whole life changes when she accidentally hits her head on the steps and wakes up with amnesiac. Amnesiac is when memory is lost, which applies to Naomi.

If I had not listened to the girl who complemented this book or picked it out of Mrs. Robbins library or even the greater part, read it, I would have never written this reading response. Even though I have no idea how this book might change me and my faith I know it will, somehow. I might not notice it. But it will. It might just stay with me through my life and when the time comes it will come out.

If Naomi would have picked tails and not gone for the camera she would not had to think hard of who is her boyfriend and think hard of her mother. She would not have to feel pain again when finding out that her mom had an affair and had another child. I feel as if this change was for her and her mother to reunite. It was another chance to make things right with her mother. Naomi gets closer every time to her mother. She’s accepting her mother’s gifts, needing to talk to her and even talking to her half sister. Everything goes in small baby steps that if you don’t look hard enough it might go pass your eyes.

Feelings have also changed for Naomi. She feels as though her boyfriend is not her type and it seems that she might not fall for him again. She does not pick up that her best friend likes her more than a friend, which she might not have either before the accident. Her feelings might change towards her best friends. I would not be surprised, when they are a couple towards the end of the book. Like faith feelings also change. When feelings change faith changes. When faith changes feelings change. But there are people who don’t do anything when one of the two changes and decide to live in misery.

People feelings change through life. We know nobody is perfect. There are people who fall in and out of love and breakups happen or even affairs. Faith changes, a good thing leads to a good thing but sometimes leads to a bad thing. A bad thing always goes to the wrong direction, to the wrong faith that you never wanted. Just a simple going to the store at night can lead to the change in faith. The first minute you’re with your chips at hand the next you’re crying because you got raped. Just the simplest things could change not just faith but you as a person and a whole.

And though I never wanted to change my faith, my faith is a new one from the faith I had 2 years ago. Just the simplest goodness and pleasure can bring faith to go to the wrong stairs. They lead to hell instead of a pleasant heaven. Faith changes you, your surroundings and you’re beloved. We can’t be hard on ourselves for what happened in 9/11 or that day we failed a test. Cause a wrong thing was made by you but you just have to grab on tight and climb the right stairs with me.

love

Savannah…
Savannah…

I hear myself repeating her name with love as if I were the one deeply in love with her. In a sense I am in love with the character but still I know that I could live without her. The word death scared me; the word love made me read more. i am scared of death but now i know that love lasts forever.Dear John is filled with love, relationship, trust, and death. Nicholas sparks puts a lot of depth and emotion as if somehow this has happen to him before, a person without passing through this could not write it. Only he could. This book has simply no description just the word love. Nothing could ever be compared to savannah’s and john’s love. This love is so real that I am left thinking what I ever saw from twilight.

I never really believed in love at first sight. I thought it was just lust. Then I really saw it in my head when it happened to john. I was john at that moment. I was looking at her eyes. Seeing what I never expected to see. Not sure of what I felt just that I did not want to look away. I saw the sun, the moon, my parents, coins, the past and the present with her. I didn’t care if the world ended as long as I was with her. I let my heart lead me deeper and stop following by brain. I saw the eyes as the clue to love at first sight and not the body or the looks. In the first page she was mentioned, I instantly fell in love with her. I wanted to know more about her even though I knew love is dangerous especially in a book were there are conflicts.

She did not just break John’s heart but my heart too.At this point i thought it was to much as though she were breaking up with me to. She should have waited. Still it was too much. I couldn’t hate her. I loved her too much to hate her. I just felt sorry and kept thinking of what could have been. I saw 2 kids, a camp every summer, horses, and a big house. I saw all the love that was in the air. I saw john’s future and what I want my future to be like. I can’t hate my mother for slapping me during a discussion; I can’t hate my 5th grade best friend for betraying me. I love them and they will always be loved.

Whenever i hear my parents screaming at eachother i think that they are going to split up, but in no more than 20 minutes both of them are huddled up in the sofa with hot chocolate in their hands. though i am scared that one of this days it might be to much for my dad or mom i wait in my room paitiently for their fight to stop. i just flow with their relationship. i am left thinking, that i was just someone to make their relationship better. they are still lovers and not just parents.

I am left thinking that real love has conflicts. Nobody’s relationship is perfect. There are small problems that could be resolved, but John’s and Savannah’s problem was too big or just to much to handle. Nickolas Sparks puts his life into the book and though it’s not quite the same as experiencing love, it’s the closest thing to it. Though I have never felt love I want to keep saying I’m in love all over and over again.