What happened the day before Chritmas till Christmas

This isn’t homework and this isn’t about reading either. I just felt like writing. I felt like putting my feeling into words that I can go back to them all over and over again. And what are better feelings, than Christmas feelings.

9: 23 pm ok it just turned 9:24 now it’s 9:27 12/24 the day before Christmas

I was away for a few minutes because my mom just came from work. And it takes about 3 minutes to hug and kiss my mother. Every Christmas we go to one of my aunt’s house to make a big party and open presets at 12 am. At 12 am we know that all family and friends are gathered around the tree and waiting for us. We know it’s time to celebrate the birth of Jesus. This year were going to celebrate at my house, which was a last minute thing because my aunt got sick and couldn’t cook dinner.

Right now I’m waiting for the whole family to come. The food is all done. I can smell the chicken and pork. There’s a lot of rice, salad and potatoes. There are a lot of things I still can’t name. All I know is that this is the picture of Christmas. And I can’t wait I’m too excited. I can’t wait for all my cousins to come so we could snuggle together.

9:48 still the same day

A few minutes ago my oldest cousin arrived. She’s in collage so don’t see her often. And I’m happy I got to finally see her and meet her new husband. Which I think he is nice and a very happy man. She’s lucky she got him. Right now I’m in my room and I know I’m wasting time not being with her, but I promised myself would do this. I will write on Christmas. Right now they’re in the leaving room eating and laughing. And right now I have to go. The bell just rang and I have to open the door.

10:26

Three of my cousins came and my aunt and uncle came too. They put the presents were my presents and my biggest cousins presents are. They’re under the big light tree. And the tree is already fully surrounded. I’m in my room writing his and changing into nice clothes. And each of my cousins is waiting outside to come inside my room.

Now I’ve changed and opened the door. My cousins (except the oldest one she’s in the living room talking to other grownups) are beside of me.  One is watching me write. And the other is playing with her little brother and my little brother. Every year it’s the same. And I like it that way. But sometimes I wish it will be another way. In my wish there’s no party and there’s mom, dad, and siblings. They sing at night and have some fun. But there’s always a tree. And instead of opening presents at 12 am they open presents when they wake up on the 25 of December. But then I love having my cousins and whole big family over.

10:34

My other part of the family arrived too (two cousins and an aunt and uncle). They bought presents too! Now they’re in my room. And we are all cramped together. But still we make the best of the room. We are playing on the computer and just listening to music and talking. We are still waiting for another aunt and uncle and three cousins. It’s hard for them to come. They live all the way in Staten Island and had to work in their restaurant. I don’t think they’ll be able to make it. Still, they won’t bring presents because of financial problems, but I still want to see them.

11:02

Now my uncle is here. He’s part of my dad’s family, his brother. I guess he’s the only person that has my father’s true blood. Everyone else is from my mom’s part of the family. He brought a present for me, my brother and father. I’m so happy I can’t wait to find out what’s in that envelope (or how much is in that envelope).

11:45

Its 15 minutes away from opening presents. I don’t think my uncle and aunt and cousins we are waiting for will come. 

12:14

I’ve already opened and handed out presents to people. I got two pajamas (what a shame, now I’m going to give one to my mother). I got a pretty white sweater. And a costly silver pen. Oh and I got 40 dollars which I will spend half of it after school starts on a wallet/case I wanted from Claire’s. And from my friends I got a four leaf clover necklace and a pocket watch and a case for my iPod.  It’s just all so nice and pretty especially the necklace which I think will give me good luck as long as I wear it.

12: 48

Everyone is drinking hot chocolate or coffee including me. We’re also eating some food along with it. Right now I’m wearing my new pajama and my necklace is around me. My eyes are already starting to close slowly. I think I won’t last till the party finishes.

1:02

My father and everyone else who had a camera just took pictures of all of us together. We were wearing Santa hats and eating candy. Then for 2 minutes my brother and little cousin sang “I wish you a merry Christmas”. Then we all clapped.

1:26

Now everyone is gone. They left like 10 minutes ago. Now I’m ready to go to bed and say bye. I’m ready for this writing piece to end. Merry Christmas!

We only got one chance for this

I finally finished reading 19 minutes by Jodi Picoult. I guess it’s been about a month since I last checked it out of Ms.Robbins library. The first week, I read halfway the next week I read a bit but it was my laziness fault that I didn’t finish it. The week after that, I put it aside because of no time. I had to finish my picture book. And now this week I managed to get back on track. And you know I’m kind of glad it’s all over. I can finally search the library for a new fresh book.  And I could learn something entirely different.

Most people will be unhappy and maybe crying when a book finishes. All the words in that book are read and there is no more left. Something terrible had to happen in that book for it to finish. I feel the same way. But yet I put that feeling away. I wrap it up real nice and open the bag with the happy feeling. I want to feel glad. Because if it were never to finish I will never begin another book. And although it’s impossible to read all the books on earth, I still want to read as many books as I can.

And maybe I didn’t read harry potter because of this. I was scared, that if I took a lot of time on reading those big gigantic books I will miss many other great books in my life. And I will never get to read those books.  And I’m still scared. But still I know one of this days I would read the whole harry potter series. I would do this before dead stops me. If we are dead we will never come back to live to resolve our problems. We only got one chance for this.

And that’s why I feel bad for taking so long on this book. It’s not I don’t love it because I do. It’s that I want to give the next book a chance too. And now I will try to get back on track because I missed a great 500 pages long book. And instead of reading two books per month I will read three books this month.

The happiness is exploding inside of me. It can’t hold much longer. I’m wishing right now that I were in a big library. Where all the books in the world are there. And I stay there for the rest of my life reading every single one of them. I’m happy after I finish a book, when finally say “oh my god this is the greatest book in the world” close it, and move on to the next one. I do this again and again as a cycle. And the only thing that could stop this cycle is dead.

my inspiration.

There’s a book that I call my inspiration. And if you look inside the book, pages are taped together. Pages are half torn. And the cover and back is ripped a bit. But still this book called lone eagle by Danielle steel is my pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. It’s my inspiration for reading, for life. And writing. It’s the best booked ill yet touched, felt, read and cried over. It’s the book that inspires me to go on with life and to never give up. It’s the book I have to search forever at the bottom of my book shelf, but it’s all worth it when I’m done.

One night my dad came home with three books. One of them was this book. He found them on a box outside a house. They were given away. I read lone eagle.  I was desperate to read for I had not read since school ended. And I never imagined this being a miracle. Of this old book to be gold for my eyes. And I thank that person for giving it away instead of throwing it out. I thank my dad for picking this one from all the books there were on that box.  And I thank the writer for writing the greatest book of all times.

A Writer has to have an inspiration. Someone or something that makes us write. That makes us love it. That makes us see the true art behind writing. Who is there every time we need help. And this book always helps me. I get new ideas, new stories, new craft moves from this book. From the wonderful words in the leaves. I need this to continue on writing. To continue writing as I do.

And apart from teaching me new love, the impossible and possible, like other books. This book and I got connected. It was like love at first sight. Love at the eagle. Lonely but still an eagle. That shiny gold eagle that calls me to the pages. The eagle that is the only one. The only kind. And I am the only one. The only one to write this. The only one who could write like this. But still I try to write like the author. And in so many ways I wished I was him. That I had his writing. That I had his passion and words.

Even though this book is only worth 26.95 dollars its worth a million dollars to me. No a million dollars for each page, no, each word. To my eyes it’s a miracle sent from god. A sign that I could become a writer. A sign that I need to work hard for what I love. And it can’t get no better with an inspiration to follow you thought your carrier.

To be called a monster

There’s one boy. That right when you see him you despise him. He’s a murder, he killed your son. You criticize him before letting him tell his whole story. Without getting that he’s been hurt and killed in other ways. That it was your sons own fault that he’s in hell now. You should first know his black and dangerous story and what made him become a murder. What made him kill people? What made him the same from other murderers?


And as people only see it he’s a dangerous monster. A monster from the book 19 minutes by Jodi Picoult. A monster named peter. Known for killing ten students and injuring a lot when he bought a pistol to school. A monster that must be killed. Not just locked away.

To be a monster is to be a cruel and wicked. It is cruel to take someone’s life away. But there’s no pain. Peter was killed by the boy he killed. He was hurt. There was a lot of pain. And the only way he found out was to get rid of the bullies. To get rid of that monster. To not get rid of himself like others will do. And I guess it turned to a game. A game full of blackness the only targets are everyone. For they are all your enemies. They are all in the bully’s side. There is no one to trust.

I believe that no one is a monster. Not unless it’s in a movie. That no one could be considered both cruel and wicked. Not even that person who you think hurts you terribly. Who mistreats. Who rapes you day after day. Not even the men who killed one thousand people. Or that woman that took my pop away. That woman who killed him and left a whole. I just think their picking sides. Sides to be with the devil or the monster. They’re picking bad over good.  They’re picking what parents showed them to pick.

Every murderer has a background. A reason. They know they were hurt once and they want to get revenge. To show them what it feels to die. The only way is dead. Which is not even close, to show the hurt. Not enough. So they mistreat them before dead comes. They hurt, spit and kick the bully. And the bully knows he’s going to die and he prays and begs. The killer has fun watching him finally feeling like the bully and later the gun is shot.

But I would rather that bully be alive. To tell him my hurt. To cry with him. To put some sense in him. To make him hurt in another way. To not make this a game because it never is.

If I didn’t know peter better. I would have judged him like any other person. I would have probably called him a monster and every wicked thing I can think about. I would have probably killed him if he murdered one of my children. But I know everything. Who hurt him and how he was killed. I would probably not think he is nice but I would never call him a monster.

Unseen

 A fat girl is listening to your conversation. She’s only five feet away. But you don’t notice her despite her big size. She’s hidden, she’s invisible. She’s Meghan Ball. She is the girl from Valley Regional High from the book looks by Madeleine George.

When unseen Meghan is less likely to be hurt. So there are no friends who may dump her later for their reputation. There are no boys bothering her and making her life miserable. There are no teachers who bother her with grades and homework. And there is no one who would notice and then make fun of her because of her big size. She would only have herself.

What first began as a happy girl who had her best friend, Cara, turned to a sad girl.  But that girl didn’t turn sad from one day to the other and without something for the cause of it.

It’s a real meanness for a girl to dump her best friend to make a better reputation. To choose a guy over her long best friend. To make up excuses to her every time. And after, to not even say a simple hello after seeing her in the hall.  And everything ends right there. The girl forgets her ex best friend. But the girl that was dumped will never forget her, no matter what.

It was done and it hurt. You don’t want to be hurt again.  The only thing you think of is being unseen.  There’s a shield protecting you from anyone. Not letting them get in. but it’s not strong enough. The little actions come through. Those little pieces make you hurt. But the shield is covering you and they can’t see you’re hurt.  

They know that you won’t stand up for yourself, that you are hidden only shielded by a thin shield. A broken shield. They take advantage of this. They hurt you in any possible way. You can see them through the holes but they can’t so they keep mistreating you. You don’t do anything; no one else does anything because you are unseen to them.

There’s someone you want to be with. You know she’s right for you. You watch her every day through the broken pieces of your shield. But you have to be seen to know her for she doesn’t see you. You put that shield under your bed and go confront her. You know her. You go back home and take the shield from under the bed. You ask her to share it. You both become invisible.

You both are unseen but happy. You have someone to share that shield with. But once in a while you have to shove that shield under your bed and be seen. It hurts more to be unseen than to be seen. Cause you have once been unseen and maybe you liked it or not but once in a while  its good. even thought that last time was a bad time, remember the ups.

looking at the cover and getting the plot

It’s almost impossible to get the plot of the story just by looking at its cover. Not looking on the blurb or the first page of the book. But from the picture you could get a whole lot. So the book that I could catch it from, is looks. The cover has a big O and a small O in the title looks. Inside the big O is an obese and big girl while in the small O there is a really skinny girl. There’s a reflection of both the girls.

I took some of my knowledge from people. This time obese people. I think the girl will feel insecure about her body and hide behind her layer of fats.  Took this from some books I read by Sarah Dessen about finding friends and getting confidence and sticking up for herself. This book could be a lot like the book I’m just going to start to read.  The two girls in the front could stick together and defeat whoever and whatever that stands from their happiness.

People hurt other people and bully them for being too skinny or too fat. And because the cover shows two opposite girls still they might have something in common. This book may revolve around one subject bullying and sticking up to it with the help of a friend. And already I know that I will be seeing a lot of depth and emotion in this book. Having to learn about a subject I love.

I can’t really say how it feels for people to criticize you for being too fat or too skinny because I have never been one or the other. But I feel like I’m the character, skin and bones or layers of fat, just by looking at the book, and better when ill finally read the book. I’m excited o come with a solution and make a new friend in the book. So the minute I finish this book I’m going to get real lost in the book.

What I didn’t notice before but just 10 seconds before I started writing this paragraph was the skinny’s girl hand gesture. She had her hands tied around her fragile body. Maybe just maybe there will be some problems with eating disorders in this book like in the book skinny. In fact this book could be of many problems revolving around one big problem.

I just hope I’m right from looking at the cover but soon about a minute I’ll find out. And maybe I’ll tell you if I was right. I might get a little piece right and the rest wrong but that’s okay because every noticer looks at things differently. next time you read a book look at the cover first and decide whether it was worth it. do it and tell me because i think its totally worth just taking a few minutes to look at the cover.

missing our youth

Auden has missed out on a few things in life. And not just things that are easy to go back and do. Getting back those days that she missed as a child is hard to get back but possible.  Through her childhood she has always been doing what she did best, studying. She was never been treated like a child but a small adult by her parents. In Along for the ride by Sarah Dessen, she decides to do something different and take back what she never got.

But looking back to the past and still the present I see how unfair it was for Auden. Missing out on sports, and learning to ride a bike. Missing out on screaming across the park and running fast. Even missing out on falling down and crying and then being caressed by her mother.  She missed out on all the fun a child should do and live without. She missed on sad times and good times. And she especially missed on friends and what goes along with it.

I blame Auden’s mother for destroying Ronnie’s childhood. I blame her father. They knew she was child, that all children should have fun and live life slowly. That each and every one of them should not worry that much in education where it comes to the point they don’t even think about friends.  That if they had their goodtime as a child, why not let her too. She was no grown up to be expected much but to love.  I hate that they gave up after their son, who turned out a total duff. But they should have not. If they thought it was too hard then why have her?

As a teenager I still feel like a kid. Needing joy from others and having joy myself. I want to go on slowly with my life not wanting to miss anything as ages go by. I want to feel the taste in my mouth.  But just recently I learned from mother that not everyone is the same or thinks the same or even think at all. People especially teenagers rush through life. Life is short, I know but we can still move through it slowly and feel the goodness of it. I would usually find a teenager who looks and acts much older than she is. That includes my cousin.

Even though she’s only seventeen she already has a 1 year old son and her boyfriend.  I remember when she was about my age, she was already dating. It’s fine by me to date, but when you take it a lot further and have a family of your own it turns out wrong. Now I see that there are no more late nights and parties. There is no more hanging around after school. She now has a child to take care of. And I doubt that without her mother she will have taken care of her baby as good as now.  She’s someone who rushed into life. Like if she does not have a good 60 more years to go. I look at her and decide I will not do the same thing she did. I will go through things slowly. But later I know she could go back and get back what she missed on what teenagers do.

I could keep pointing at people for what they did to some of us. That they treated us like adults just to make life easier for themselves. But I won’t. A child who has no choice, I understand. They are forced to and can’t stop it. But as a teenager, when we start to make our own choices, I don’t understand .we have to only point at ourselves.  We cause ourselves to rush and miss out on things that are important that we don’t find out till we realize we missed it all. But it’s never too late to go back and do things that we missed.

trust

I find myself reading his books. I’m trying to read every single book of his. First I read Dear John then the notebook and finally now I’m reading the last song by Nicholas sparks. I can truly tell that it has never been the same before. Even with Sarah Dessen, the feeling inside me never felt this well. It is because I trust Nicholas sparks. I trust him even before reading his books knowing they will all change me as a whole. Knowing they are the greatest books.

Trusting the author somehow connects with me trusting the character Ronnie. I trust that she will later trust her boyfriend that they could always be together even if they are far. I trust the author that he will leave me thinking in the end of the story. He will leave me feeling sad yet happy he had done another great novel. I trust that Ronnie will love her father more than anything and I trust her future. I trust that she will touch the piano again. And now I trust my own future and live. I trust my happiness and sadness. And I trust my best friend.

Everything depends on trusting. Either your relationship with your partner or your fate. Trust your partner, trust fate and maybe everything will go well in your relationship. Trust your mother when she tells you to not do something even if someone desperately wants you to. Do not do it. Just trust them and go back to your room. Feel mad at them if you want but listen and act. They know more than us.  Trust your future and your destiny and especially if you’re catholic like me, trust Jesus.

What is trust? Well trust is to believe in that special person who deserves it or just trusting something. A person deserves it by being by your side and never leaving. Trust the person who will save you emotionally and physically. A person who gave you what you always wanted, not just ones but all over and over again, like Nickolas sparks. He gave me joy all over and over again. Wrote a book and then wrote more with the same emotion, making me trust in him. He truly deserves my trust as a reader and writer.

First step to communicate with your readers is having their trust. We must earn it. We cannot just do anything to earn it. Nickolas sparks made me trust her. And all I could say is that she really did earn it.

Taking the wrong steps

I'm that kind of girl who believes in signs. I believe in changing faith and the cause of that. It first starts with choices then the result of that and from the result comes a change in faith. It is not unpacked till the end. Still, clues let me know what way faith was going for Naomi in Memoirs of a teenage amnesiac by Gabrielle Zevin. Naomi whole life changes when she accidentally hits her head on the steps and wakes up with amnesiac. Amnesiac is when memory is lost, which applies to Naomi.

If I had not listened to the girl who complemented this book or picked it out of Mrs. Robbins library or even the greater part, read it, I would have never written this reading response. Even though I have no idea how this book might change me and my faith I know it will, somehow. I might not notice it. But it will. It might just stay with me through my life and when the time comes it will come out.

If Naomi would have picked tails and not gone for the camera she would not had to think hard of who is her boyfriend and think hard of her mother. She would not have to feel pain again when finding out that her mom had an affair and had another child. I feel as if this change was for her and her mother to reunite. It was another chance to make things right with her mother. Naomi gets closer every time to her mother. She’s accepting her mother’s gifts, needing to talk to her and even talking to her half sister. Everything goes in small baby steps that if you don’t look hard enough it might go pass your eyes.

Feelings have also changed for Naomi. She feels as though her boyfriend is not her type and it seems that she might not fall for him again. She does not pick up that her best friend likes her more than a friend, which she might not have either before the accident. Her feelings might change towards her best friends. I would not be surprised, when they are a couple towards the end of the book. Like faith feelings also change. When feelings change faith changes. When faith changes feelings change. But there are people who don’t do anything when one of the two changes and decide to live in misery.

People feelings change through life. We know nobody is perfect. There are people who fall in and out of love and breakups happen or even affairs. Faith changes, a good thing leads to a good thing but sometimes leads to a bad thing. A bad thing always goes to the wrong direction, to the wrong faith that you never wanted. Just a simple going to the store at night can lead to the change in faith. The first minute you’re with your chips at hand the next you’re crying because you got raped. Just the simplest things could change not just faith but you as a person and a whole.

And though I never wanted to change my faith, my faith is a new one from the faith I had 2 years ago. Just the simplest goodness and pleasure can bring faith to go to the wrong stairs. They lead to hell instead of a pleasant heaven. Faith changes you, your surroundings and you’re beloved. We can’t be hard on ourselves for what happened in 9/11 or that day we failed a test. Cause a wrong thing was made by you but you just have to grab on tight and climb the right stairs with me.

love

Savannah…
Savannah…

I hear myself repeating her name with love as if I were the one deeply in love with her. In a sense I am in love with the character but still I know that I could live without her. The word death scared me; the word love made me read more. i am scared of death but now i know that love lasts forever.Dear John is filled with love, relationship, trust, and death. Nicholas sparks puts a lot of depth and emotion as if somehow this has happen to him before, a person without passing through this could not write it. Only he could. This book has simply no description just the word love. Nothing could ever be compared to savannah’s and john’s love. This love is so real that I am left thinking what I ever saw from twilight.

I never really believed in love at first sight. I thought it was just lust. Then I really saw it in my head when it happened to john. I was john at that moment. I was looking at her eyes. Seeing what I never expected to see. Not sure of what I felt just that I did not want to look away. I saw the sun, the moon, my parents, coins, the past and the present with her. I didn’t care if the world ended as long as I was with her. I let my heart lead me deeper and stop following by brain. I saw the eyes as the clue to love at first sight and not the body or the looks. In the first page she was mentioned, I instantly fell in love with her. I wanted to know more about her even though I knew love is dangerous especially in a book were there are conflicts.

She did not just break John’s heart but my heart too.At this point i thought it was to much as though she were breaking up with me to. She should have waited. Still it was too much. I couldn’t hate her. I loved her too much to hate her. I just felt sorry and kept thinking of what could have been. I saw 2 kids, a camp every summer, horses, and a big house. I saw all the love that was in the air. I saw john’s future and what I want my future to be like. I can’t hate my mother for slapping me during a discussion; I can’t hate my 5th grade best friend for betraying me. I love them and they will always be loved.

Whenever i hear my parents screaming at eachother i think that they are going to split up, but in no more than 20 minutes both of them are huddled up in the sofa with hot chocolate in their hands. though i am scared that one of this days it might be to much for my dad or mom i wait in my room paitiently for their fight to stop. i just flow with their relationship. i am left thinking, that i was just someone to make their relationship better. they are still lovers and not just parents.

I am left thinking that real love has conflicts. Nobody’s relationship is perfect. There are small problems that could be resolved, but John’s and Savannah’s problem was too big or just to much to handle. Nickolas Sparks puts his life into the book and though it’s not quite the same as experiencing love, it’s the closest thing to it. Though I have never felt love I want to keep saying I’m in love all over and over again.